Aesthetic Life

D.C.

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Positive Progress

life has given many people opportunities to become who they want to be. for me, i have gone through several events in my life that have truly changed who i am. i have seen the life of an immigrant who has very little hope and all the desire to be in this country. i have seen the wonderful ancient buildings of machu picchu and met the happiest peruvians. i have seen a mother suffer through cancer but stay strong and optimistic, and finally beat the disease that kills so many. i have also, although most dont know, seen three dead bodies. most dont know, besides family, because i do not speak of this, i do not speak of this because i have yet to find a way to deal with it. months have gone by and i don’t see those dead bodies or hear the cries of their family or hear the aluminum of our truck folding and totaling in my dreams, but it is still with me everyday, in the most unexpected ways. through all this misery yet experience i have gone through, i continue to believe. i continue to believe in the beauty of life and the aesthetic moments it has to offer. i strive to go through life with a smile on my face, not to paint a picture for everyone, but because life has given me so many blessings that the way to appreciate and say thanks is to be happy and content, be at peace with yourself. thats the thing, if you are at peace with yourself then you can have peace with others. you have to love yourself before you can offer others your love.

today i was angry. no, not angry, just tired. i have been tired, tired of being surrounded by people who don’t appreciate life and dont see the beauty in it like i constantly do. so i stood up, i stood up to the negativity that i had been putting up with for so long,  many may say it was not the right thing, but having something on your back for so long isnt healthy. as i get ready to go to the next stage in life: college, i want to surround myself with positivity, optimism and beauty, all that good stuff that completes me. no longer conforming to all that negativity around me.

in just one hour i learned so much about myself, things i can’t even explain, but things you yourself know you have realized. its been a good night to reflect, D.  

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Lately I have had this urge to write something, to express myself about something. nothing better than expressing myself about Al. Al is my step-dad, more like the only father figure I have had in my life. I suppose I have realized what he’s all about, I have come to understand him more. We havn’t always gotten along but perhaps it’s because we are so much alike, even though sometimes i dont always agree with him, i am starting to realize we are more and more alike. i have noticed that whenever we travel outside the country there is a different side to him, he is still serious yet not serious at the same time, but there is something different. the difference is that he is willing to give as much as he can to the  people, and what i mean by the people is the mexican or peruvian people, they seem more real. in a sense i think he feels that they are more real, they arn’t materialized like many here in america. i can sense this giving attitude with him, that when we are in america, he just looks at people and laughs. laughs because they perhaps have been given everything their entire lifes and will never have a struggle in their lifes, which will in the end result in no wisdom or growth. struggling and going through tough times in life is what builds character, and i think what is why Al has such a strong character, he has gone through things no one will ever be able to understand or even imagine. he isn’t my biological father but we share so many things in common, so many things that I am now just starting to realize. i know why he looks around and just laughs, i can see why. its a hard thing to understand, and perhaps putting it in words diminishes the  meaning of it, but its something we both share, and will continue to share. he’s the father i have always needed, i would have enjoyed a sweeter person who can share his love a lot easier, but what i get is what i get and because of him i am who i am today, and why my thoughts are the way they are, and i respect that view of life he has taught me. the most beautiful man, D.

Lately I have had this urge to write something, to express myself about something. nothing better than expressing myself about Al. Al is my step-dad, more like the only father figure I have had in my life. I suppose I have realized what he’s all about, I have come to understand him more. We havn’t always gotten along but perhaps it’s because we are so much alike, even though sometimes i dont always agree with him, i am starting to realize we are more and more alike. i have noticed that whenever we travel outside the country there is a different side to him, he is still serious yet not serious at the same time, but there is something different. the difference is that he is willing to give as much as he can to the  people, and what i mean by the people is the mexican or peruvian people, they seem more real. in a sense i think he feels that they are more real, they arn’t materialized like many here in america. i can sense this giving attitude with him, that when we are in america, he just looks at people and laughs. laughs because they perhaps have been given everything their entire lifes and will never have a struggle in their lifes, which will in the end result in no wisdom or growth. struggling and going through tough times in life is what builds character, and i think what is why Al has such a strong character, he has gone through things no one will ever be able to understand or even imagine. he isn’t my biological father but we share so many things in common, so many things that I am now just starting to realize. i know why he looks around and just laughs, i can see why. its a hard thing to understand, and perhaps putting it in words diminishes the  meaning of it, but its something we both share, and will continue to share. he’s the father i have always needed, i would have enjoyed a sweeter person who can share his love a lot easier, but what i get is what i get and because of him i am who i am today, and why my thoughts are the way they are, and i respect that view of life he has taught me. the most beautiful man, D.

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Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

Gotye

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Foster The People - Miss You

Miss You

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Stay far from timid, Only make moves when ya heart’s in it, And live the phrase Sky’s The Limit.
The Notorious B.I.G